Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
