well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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