Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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