Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
