I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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