There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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