I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
