a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
