My liver just broke up with me...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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