the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
