That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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