I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
