I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
