in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
