So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize