Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
