Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
