Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He felt like a one man threesome
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
