I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
