why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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