Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
