Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
