I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
