Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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