Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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