The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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