oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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