so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
