there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
