So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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