You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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