Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize