Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
