I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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