i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
foreskin is a definite game changer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
