Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
