this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
