Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
