Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
