She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
