Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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