Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
