I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
