No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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