my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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