Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
