don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
