I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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