I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm passing your future prison.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
