Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
