i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize