i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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