so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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