i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You made out with two different species that night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
