he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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