im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
