I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She bit a glass in half.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
