Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
