i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
