So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
