I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize