the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
