You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
