you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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