8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
