Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
