i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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