There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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