so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
