I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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