When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize