Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
