There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
