my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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