actually, I'm a sock model
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
